Thursday, September 9, 2010

more agentry horse pooh

This is serious.

Why do we need agents? Seriously? Somewhere down the line, the publishing houses simply became too overworked with submissions and such. Just like in every other facet of business, they became lazy and outsourced.

It is the same thing with a factory that has too much overturn in employees, the company hires three people, but it loses one, so on and so on. The company outsources the hiring to temporary agencies.

Now, whenever Joe Ineedajob, indeed needs a job, Joe is “forced” to go through a temporary placement agency.

Using the phrase “forced” is a little over the top, but so are these employment agencies. Obviously, no one is forced to go through a temp service, but when you have factory experience, and are looking to get a job you are experienced in, it is a slim chance, that one has other options.

Back onto the literary agents that I despise so much.

Today September 9, 2010, I have read three blogs with different information on how to query every agent. Seems to me, these egotistical assholes need to get together and make up a standard form or something.

Book Agents are lazy, talentless, entitled, do-nothings.

To call them lazy and do-nothings is wrong, they obviously do something, and I hear that most of them work long hours, so they cannot be that lazy.

Talentless and entitled? I think, that I hit the nail directly on the head. Maybe not talentless, but it is fair for me to assume, that if they could write, they would.

My dream was never to be an Agent. My dream was to be a writer. Unfortunately for me, no one wants to hear my author voice.

Okay, fine, am I going to give up? No, but I am also not going to go off and become an author agent. You people should become teachers, and teach people how to write, instead of telling them.

However, wait, I guess a teacher does not make as much money, teaching the youth of America how to write, as an author agent does.

I mean, the agent who “found” Kite Runner, obviously was not going to make as much as he or she did by teaching.

To the human who agented the author who gave the world, and college students everywhere, the unfortunate experience of reading Kite Runner, you might not have made as much money being a teacher, but at least you would have done something.

The publishing houses need to stop outsourcing. Hire people to read manuscripts, as companies, they would make so much more money. So would the writers.

By the industry even having agents, whom is it helping?

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Agent wanted – to fuck off: take your egos elsewhere.

My blog is entitled, agent wanted because I always wanted to be published, as an author, or as a screenplay writer. As I read queries and walk the isles of bookstores, I see a bunch of stuff. Stuff no one wants to read. I query agents and I get one of two things. A form rejection or a rejection stating my idea is intriguing but unfortunately, the agent is not accepting new clients. Listen asshole, I was a fat-kid in High School; I am used to Rejection.

Just tell me my work sucks and hit send. Unbelievably, it hurts less to receive a form rejection, than to be told your work is intriguing, but not intriguing enough to warrant the request of a copy.

I have decided I do not want an agent, or even a fucking publishing house. (Yes, this blog does have swearing, and is not dolphin safe.) I will self publish my book, with ****** at first if I have to, until I can start up my own small press publishing house. (I asterisked the first part of the website because they do not give me money, and I am not yet ready to publish my book through them currently.)

From now on, my blog is tentatively titled Agent wanted – to fuck off: take your egos elsewhere. Why would I want some asshole to make more commission on my book than me? What the fuck did you do, get my book to a publishing house?

Hypothetically, yes

Realistically, no

If publishing houses were smart, they would stop using agents. An agents job can be outsourced internally. (if that makes any sense) here is what a publishing house should do to be smart, a publisher hires a person with an English degree, which is all an agent is.

A human with an English degree

The human then works for the publishing house, as a screener. He or she reads piles of manuscripts that are sent directly to the fucking publisher. Would this cost the publisher money?


Who cares?

No one

Only three parties make money then, the author who fucking deserves more money anyway, the publishing house, and the company that prints the book.

Listen assholes, without the author, without me, without Robert Patterson, and the cunt who sold her soul to the devil for fame and riches, and the opportunity to fuck up the world’s greatest horror genre with bedazzled vampires, the fucking industry crumbles. Why do I want an agent?

Why did I entitle this blog agent wanted?

I was scared, I want to be famous, I want people to read my book.

People will, but not with the help of greedy, talentless agents, who could not write a manuscript, if Jesus himself gave them a fucking clue.


you will find most of my blogs have been redacted.
i tried to move the blog to a new gmail account. google, is a motherfucker to deal with. they streamline everything with the exception of simplicity. i have two gmail accounts, this one and another one. i want this blog to be changed to the other gmail account. apparently i need the ability to do magic, in order to accomplish this. i cannot do magic, so i cannot move this blog. i redacted most of the bad blogs, and will start fresh. this blog has been dead for quite some time now, i took a break from writing all-together. the system depresses me greatly.

i am back, for the person who reads this.

Friday, February 26, 2010

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Saturday, October 24, 2009